Dying Will Objects of Mass Destruction! DWOOMD!
by Wafia Primo
Summary: The X-Butter was just the beginning... Read on people! Suggest simple everyday stuff or not everyday stuff and watch it cause mass destruction! This entire story has been sponsored by Wafia Primo & finklmeire. READ HER STORIES, PEOPLE!
1. Chapter 1

Yeah, for lack of a better idea, I came up with this.

**I acidentally pronounced X-Burner as X-Butter...**

**Lol, This is what happened. I hope you enjoy this!**

**I don't own KHR... Yippie... Or D. Gray-man **

* * *

Once again, Bianchi was in the kitchen for a very long time... and was still inside after eight hours.

Tsuna's mom had to buy takeout. "I wonder what Bianchi-san is doing..."

Tsuna shrugged. "Frankly, I don't even want to know".

Even after dinner, she still wasn't finished.

Luckily, it was a Saturday, so he didn't really have to worry... Hopefully.

* * *

The next morning, Bianchi gave him a stick of non-purple, non-poisonous looking stick of butter.

Reborn said "Good... If you do not find out what it does, I'll shoot you with a bullet I've been meaning to try out."

"B-b-but why? Can't you do it yourself? Your the one with all the expertise!"

"Flattering, yet true. But I have to finish this 18 gallon bottle of espresso."

Reborn took out a bottle about ten times bigger than himself.

"How am I suppose to do this!?!?!?" Reborn dealt him the famous 'it is obvious, you idiot who lacks a brain in a world that recquires one to be succesful or just have a adequate living space' kick.

"Why do you think you have a family in the world of the mafia? Ask them."

* * *

**First Victim: Gokudera Hayato**

"JUUUUUUUUDAIME!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE A STICK OF BUTTER?!?!" Gokudera came running towards him.

"Umm... Your older sister made it. Reborn told me to find out what it does."

Gokudera stopped listening after the first sentence.

"THE DEVIL HERSELF MADE IT!?!? ITS POSSESED! QUICK! GET THE NEAREST EXORCIST!!!"

He ran over to a guy in black and silver clothing with red hair, green hairband and a eyepatch.

"KIND SIR, ARE YOU AN ESTEEMED EXORCIST?!? WE NEED HELP QUICKLY BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!" The man looked weirded out.

"Uh, yes. Yes I am. My name is Lavi. What sort of problem is there?"

"We have... A POSSESED STICK OF BUTTER!!! MY DEMON OF A SISTER MADE IT!"

"Um. Well, let me take a look at it." Gokudera showed it to him.

"Alright, place it on the ground." After doing so, Lavi took out a hammer.

"Little Hammer, Big Hammer, Grow, Grow GROW!"

The hammer grew to a huge size. "HIBAN! FIRE SEAL!!! KILL THIS DAMNED COOKING INGREDIENT!"

He slammed the hammer onto the butter and out exploded flames.

For a moment, nothing happened to the butter.

But then, when Lavi and Gokudera approached it, it exploded in their faces.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!"

(30 minutes later)

Lavi's comrades arrived. "T-t-that stick of butter is cursed. CURSED I TELL YOU!!!" Lavi was just dragged away by a samurai.

Gokudera layed twitching on the ground. "I'm sorry Juudaime, I failed! I MUST COMMIT SEPPUKU WITH A BLUNT SPORK!"

Tsuna frantically waved his hands around. "I-its alright! There's no need to!"

"YOU ARE TOO KIND BOSS! I NOW MUST COMMITT HARA-KIRI WITH A CANDELABRA!"

"GOKUDERAAAAAAA! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO!"

* * *

(Later At The Hospital)

The doctor looked up from his clipboard.

"He's going to be fine, but I still wonder how he had a candelabra with him..."

Tsuna sighed and thought 'As long as he doesn't do some other ritual suicide attempt.'

* * *

(Back At Home)

Reborn was almost finished with his large bottle of espresso.

"Dame-Tsuna, how did everything go?"

Tsuna sighed. "Gokudera enlisted the help of a pirate, and tried to committ suicide. At least that stick of butter is gone..."

Reborn smirked. "Are you that sure? Check your pocket~" Tsuna paled as he took an object out.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiii! Its the stick of cursed butter!" He promptly fainted on the spot.

* * *

**Yes, so thats it for this chapter. It might take a while for me to update, since I have another story I am working on. **

**D. Gray-man is cool. See how I used Lavi and Kanda?**

**A Candelabra is some sort of candle holder.**

**The next round of the spelling bee is on the 26th of January here in NY, and I'm in it.**

**I at least hope to get into the nationals to be on television... Dang, I'm getting nervous.**

**Well, enough of that.**

**See you all next time, and I hope you guys review. Anonymous reviews are appreciated too!**


	2. Flaming Comb

**I have decided that doing tons of chapters on the butter is boring, so I decided to try something else.**

**My brain ish poot.**

**I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn~**

**Thank the Gods of Cheese Jelly I don't.**

* * *

In the morning, The Sun Arcobaleno approached Tsuna with a mysterious smile on his face.

Tsuna immediately knew what was going to happen and jumped up.

"Reborn!!! I don't want anything to do with this stupid butter anymore!!!"

Even if it was only once, it injured Gokudera and a man behind on the times.

"You REALLY want to know what it is?"

Tsuna started sweating nervously. "As long as I don't get injured in the process!"

"It is... A special rubber made out of a fireproof and puncture proof substance. This special rubber is made from rare organic materials and is edible."

Bianchi took the butter and ate it. "It also comes in cherry flavor."

Tsuna's hyper intuition was telling him something very important.

"Why in the world are you telling me? Don't you usually beat the crap out of me THEN tell me?"

"Yes, but I have another plan for you. Take this comb and give it to Shamal, and say its a gift from Bianchi. She recently started to make everyday objects."

* * *

Tsuna walked to school, comb in hand and arrived at the gates.

Hibari stepped out of a random shadow "Herbivore, did you forget to comb your hair at home?"

Tsuna gulped and replied "Reborn just told me to hand it to Dr. Shamal..."

Hibari suddenly smiled evily. "The baby? Well... You may go."

He chuckled and walked off. Terrifying, isn't it?

Tsuna ran faster than Sena having Hiruma launch a bazooka at him and got to the infirmary.

This surely was not a good sign.

* * *

"Kid, you should know by now that I do not treat guys."

"I just have something to give you." Tsuna disliked every second inside the room.

"Go away, I need to ogle at these girls outside the window."

Tsuna's hyper intuition told him to say "But its a PRESENT from BIANCHI!"

"Give it to me now!" He snatched the comb from Tsuna's hand and looked it over.

"Good Quality! Plus its made by my beautiful, gorgeous, dangerous dear Bianchi~"

Tsuna nearly gagged.

Shamal ran the comb through his hair. "Hey... It works pretty well!"

Just a second later, his hair burst into flames and he was screaming in pain.

"OH GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!" He soaked his head in water, but it made it worse.

"THE FIRE IS FUCKING COLD!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!??!"

A minute later, the fire was blown out by a strong breeze.

Shamal checked the mirror and his jaw dropped.

His gorgeous hair was... Pink. Pink with green and purple.

It was also one of the ugliest mohawks the world has ever seen.

"My wonderful silky locks of hair... Gone, and its now... Ugly. Sawada, just leave."

Tsuna quickly left for his next class.

* * *

After he got home, he immediately ran up to his room and found Reborn sitting on a pillow.

"Dame-Tsuna, did the comb work?" Reborn sipped his espresso.

"NO! It set his hair on fire and changed it to a mohawk! I'm never going to get the image out of my head..."

Bianchi came into her room and giggled. "Oh my, it appears that I have developed a new technique~"

Reborn stood up and said "I shall call this... Dying Will Objects Of Mass Destruction! Or DWOOMD for short."

Tsuna fainted on the spot.

* * *

**Okay everyone! I decided to change the name of the story to Dying Will Objects of Mass Destruction! (DWOOMD).**

**Pronounce 'DWOOMD' as a child would pronounce 'doomed'. **

**I'm sorry I didn't update for a long time. **

**Really crappy test score. :D I fail at life.**

**By the way, I need suggestions for objects.**

**It can be a lamp, battery, toaster, pencil, or even a teletubby.**

**Please review, my dear friends!**

**Did anyone notice the Eyeshield 21 reference?**

**I like cream cheese bagels.**


	3. Minus Eraser

**So... We have an eraser that will obviously make Tsuna's life more miserable.**

**I'm gonna make a Dying Will Cactus for one of the chapters someday~**

**Oh yeah, I have a Rebocon 2010 playlist on my youtube, but its not complete.**

**If you wanna see it, go to my profile and the link should be somewhere on the page.**

**Join the Wafia fan page, the link is on there too.**

**Eight people won't complete world domination fast.**

**I still don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn~**

**Thank the gods of Flaming Badger I don't.**

**Yes Meagan, there IS cheese jelly.**

**just put melted cheese into any jelly mixture, and voila!**

**Not a good thing to eat. Chibi Dino doesn't feel well.**

* * *

Tsuna had to admit, seeing Shamal's hair on fire was actually rather entertaining.

Reflecting on past events (mainly when he first met Shamal), Tsuna was glad his hair was ruined.

The pervert never should've tried to kiss Kyoko... Kekeke~

"His hair won't go back to normal for an entire month, no matter what he does."

"Reborn... What now? Lemme sleep a few more minutes today..." THWACK! "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Don't talk to your tutor that way." Reborn was holding a rolled up steel newspaper.

"Now, get to school. You're going to be late." The newspaper started glowing.

"This newspaper is currently brimming with electricity."

Tsuna bolted out the door.

He had already been electrified once, and that was the time he saw his own skeleton.

* * *

On the way to school, he ran past a boy with a butler, and he tripped.

"Sebastian, I do not want to stay in the horrid japanese sun. Fetch the car."

"Yes, my lord". The butler stomped once, clapped twice, snapped thrice and a car suddenly appeared.

"Very good, Sebastian." the boy nodded.

"Yes, of course. Afterall, I'm one _hell_ of a butler~"

Tsuna thought it was weird, but shook it off.

Nothing really suprised him anymore.

* * *

"Okay, class! Today we have that big math exam I never actually mentioned, but I will say I did. Take out a pencil and an eraser."

Tsuna fumbled through his bag and found his pencil, which had no eraser.

"Drat..." He looked around a bit more and found an eraser he never knew he had.

"Ok, test begin!" Scribblee doo da, Scribblee day~

Math is funner than the aunt of the son of the uncle of the father of the grandson.

Don't ask me what it means, I don't even know.

* * *

Tsuna completed the test. Since it was just multiple choice, the teacher would have it back by homeroom.

"Juudaime! I bet you aced the test this time!" Gokudera the puppy ran over to him.

"Yeah... I suppose I did..."

"Ha ha ha! The test was okay! Also,why are you guys just standing here? Its lunch time!"

"Shut up, Yakyuu Baka! No one was talking to you!" Gokudera took out dynamite.

"G-g-gokudera-kun! Lets just go to lunch peacefully."

"As you wish, boss."

* * *

During homeroom...

"Alright guys, here are the tests. For an all time record low... We have a -50% by Sawada".

Apparently, the homeroom teacher becane mysteriously sick, and the strange subsitute was here again.

"Is a -50% even possible?"

"Sawada really is stupid..."

"Was cheese pants even an option?"

Gokudera had nothing to say except "MAKE FUN OF HIM ONE MORE TIME, YOU WON'T EVER SEE YOUR MOMMIES EVER AGAIN!"

Yamamoto laughed. "These tests are really funny!"

Yamamoto held up a test with a perfect score.

* * *

Tsuna sulked up into his room.

"Reborn... What did you do?"

Reborn smirked. "Remember the eraser? You actually never had one!"

"Then how did I get it?" Another sip of tea.

"When you tripped, you saw a suspicious duo, right? They put it into your bag. Old friends of mine."

Bianchi took out a test paper that had a good grade on it.

"This is one of my old tests." she erased the grade lightly.

"Now it is officially changed to a -6996%." She smiled lightly. "I mixed my poison cooking with the rubber~"

"I shall call this... The Minus Eraser!" Reborn held it up dramatically.

Tsuna wailed "Now I really won't make it through life!!!"

Reborn smirked, again. "Relax, I thr- asked the school to let you stay, so don't worry."

"HOW CAN I NOT WORRY?!?!" THWACK!!!

"As I said this morning: Don't talk that way to your honorable tutor."

* * *

**Okay, the chapter is finished.**

**XxSpicySugarxX contributed the item for this chapter.**

**The reference with the butler and the boy is from Kuroshitsuji.**

**They suspended the awesome series...**

**I'll never know what happened to Sebby/ Mukuro look alike...**

**Remember, suggest items I can use for the story!**

**Mega Tape Dispenser.**


	4. Kokeshi Car Stove

**:D I am going to update at least once a week.**

**19 fans on Facebook~ I never thought anyone would pay attention.**

**I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.**

**Thank the Gods of Diabetic Squirrels I don't.**

**Can squirrels even BE diabetic?**

* * *

Last night after dinner, the stove blew up.

It happened right after Gokudera commented on the fact that Lambo's pink grenades were too gay to be near Juudaime.

Lambo happened to toss a bunch of those grenades around the kitchen.

When Nana Sawada saw the destruction in the kitchen, she didn't care about the injured people.

"I'm in despair! I'm in despair over the fact that my favorite object has been destroyed!"

Tsuna (who was covered in burnt pork and super crispy broccoli) got up and dusted his pants.

"Ano... Mom? Can't we just get a new stove to replace it?"

Nana's mood quickly changed. "Of course! How silly of me to forget~ I'll cook a feast using a new stove tomorrow~"

Tsuna wondered if she noticed how his arm was bleeding a bucket of blood.

Oh well, he can bother her about minor problems later.

* * *

The next morning, Tsuna saw the new stove in the kitchen...

It was red, it was all pretty and new like an expensive three million dollar car...

It looked a bit supicious but Nana was dishing out ultra gourmet dishes by the truckload.

Tsuna decided to help himself to some chicken.

When he took a bite, there was one thing he thought of.

_'Strange... Raspberry octopus? Isn't this chicken?'_

_'Also, chocolate sushi... Blueberry chili dog...'_

It was his mom's cooking, so it was delicious, but...

_'Pork intestine pasta with strawberry garlic sauce? That's it!'_

"Uh... Mom? The food tastes strange... What are you using?"

He tried to tap her on the shoulder, but the stove emmitted a warning glow.

_'Back off mortal, or face death by potato salad and super cheesy bites.'_

Tsuna ran straight to his room. "REBORN! WE HAVE A DEMON STOVE!"

Reborn was once again drinking his signature cup of coffee with leon perched on his hat.

"Don't be silly, the stove was made by Bianchi from the remains of Dino's first car."

"Just HIS car? "Reborn, I think I saw a eye on the knob..."

"Bianchi also acquired many haunted kokeshi dolls to make it. I call it the Kokeshi Car Stove!"

"I think we need another exorcist again..."

A tall dandelion haired man was conveniently passing by.

* * *

Ichigo was looking skeptical and annoyed.

"Haunted ovens? I only deal with Hollows."

A girl punched him on the arm. "Just help them, you idiot."

"Fine!" He took out a glove, put his hand to his chest, and fell to the ground.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiii! Did he die?" Tsuna did not want to be responsible for his death.

The girl just said "Relax, he'll definitely be fi-"

In that moment, the dandelion haired man eye's popped open.

"Ichigo, are you all right? You look a bit pale..." Ichigo screamed.

"I'M NEVER GOING HERE AGAIN! THE KOKESHI DOLLS ARE HERE! RUN!"

He disappeared out the door in a few seconds.

Rukia ran out after him. "What the hell? Get back here!"

* * *

From that point onwards, Tsuna had to bear the strange tasting food.

The next time Dino visited, he left with multiple burns.

"I really didn't trip this time! It was the stove! The STOVE hates me!"

Yeah right Dino, your men weren't here this time.

"But I managed to not spill my food!"

Dino, don't argue. You managed to spill your soup too.

"I felt the anger of my old ferrari in there!"

It's not the car's fault it crashed into the 20th floor of a skyscraper.

"I was just taking a nap..."

While driving? Oh dear...

* * *

**~*Wafia Omake*~**

Meagan: Boss, were you the one that supplied Bianchi the materials for the demon stove?

Me: Yes I was, is there anything wrong with that? We have to reduce, reuse, and recycle.

Adrianne: OMFG, Pokemon is trying to act earth friendly.

Harrison: There is something wrong with that.

Cindi: Hey Jen! There is a evil doll at the door calling your name.

Me: Go forth, my useless pineapple minion.

Jin: What? WAIT! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *sounds of shredded clothing*

Adrianne: I is not human meat shield for now?

Me: You is not human meat shiel for now.

* * *

**If ferraris are about 3 million dollars, then he wasted a lot of the family's bank account on them.**

**Dino, even though you are really cute, I have to question your IQ.**

**I hope its higher than the rock next to me.**

**. Suggest objects for use please!**

**Some friends suggested basic objects like cups, knives, plates, etc.**

**Lets get something that is more than one piece, hm?**


	5. Over Nyan Thousand

**Alright, I know I haven't updated in awhile, but school is a bother.**

**So I have something random to make up for it.**

**LEMONS! Not smex, but the fruit.**

**The Millefiore are really dramatic.**

* * *

"Byakuran-sama, I have dramatically finished developing our new dramatic weapon of dramatic mass destruction!"

Byakuran turned around dramatically in his dramatic marshmallow swivel chair and dramatically raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? And what might that dramatically be?"

The head scientist took out a dramatic lemon and a dramatic piece of paper.

Byakuran slouched into a dramatic position. "Fruit and paper... Thats..."

The head scientist waved a dramatic hand and declared

"ULTRA POWERFUL! Wait till you see it dramatically tested out on someone."

He dramatically called in a poor Millefiore grunt.

"Byakuran-sama, please watch closely as I dramatically demonstrate its dramatic effect."

The grunt picked up the piece of dramatic paper and accidentally got a dramatic papercut.

He dramatically flinched, and the head scientist dramatically cut the lemon in half and dramatically dripped the lemon juice on the the dramatic cut.

The grunt exploded dramatically in a dramatic rain of daisies.

* * *

"Alright, enough with the dramatic drama! Now how are we going to use it to take over the world?"

The head scientist took out a box of My Little Pony stationary and set it down in front of him.

"O^O Pretty yellow sunshine set? GIMME!" Byakuran lunged for it, but only to be restrained.

The scientist shook his head. "The edges of this paper are dipped in highly concentrated lemon juice, and are extra... Papercutty?"

Byakuran didn't appear to be listening, as he was staring at the stationary set. "Want..."

* * *

"Huuuuungry..." Allen, the destroyer of time, was hopelessly lost in a large building.

It had been five minutes since he finished his last dango and it was not looking good.

He chanced upon a storeroom that smelled wonderfully of lemons.

"Food? It smells like Jerry's cooking..."

With his eyes closed, he wandered into the storehouse and began eating the stationary without abandon.

* * *

"... Paint? We're going to use paint to break into a high security compound to save our comrade?"

The rest of the Black Order looked at Meagan and Jenny weirdly.

"Ahem! Not just any paint! I have a matching whistle to go with it."

Reever looked over at Bookman. "Are you sure these girls can do it?"

He just shuddered and gave a look that asked for no dramatically asked questions.

Meagan inhaled. "Can we stop with the dramatics? We have a blackhole of a human to save."

Jenny shook her head once. "Now, on to the plan!"

* * *

**Operation Rainbow Orangutan**

(Lavi: Rainbow Orangutan? What type of plan is that? Jen: Shut up, Usagi.)

- Send ballerina Yuu-kun in with buckets of paint.

- Make him dance and splash paint everywhere.

- Blow whistle.

* * *

Komui wiped his glasses. "Its getting colder. Did someone mess with the thermosat?"

Lavi snickered "I don't think Yuu approves of this."

Meagan raised a hand. "We either save bean sprout or we don't."

Johnny jumped up and down. "Thats right, so get dancing Kanda... Eeek!"

"BAKA! I'm not going to dress up like a girl to satisfy all your sick fantasies!"

Jenny frowned. "But the people at the Order are so deprived, and they can't lay their hands on Lenalee!"

Everyone went silent. "I'm only kidding, and - Don't kill me Kanda-dono"

WHACK!

* * *

Byakuran pranced around marshmallow land, picking marshmallow flowers and gingerly sniffing each and every one of them.

He saw a marshmallow bee, which he then decided to crunch, and discovered it was filled with pecans.

Oh, the reverie in a marshmallow world, where masterminds can gaily roll in marshmallows.

Spinning in a circle, the marshmallows rained, soon turned into a nightmarish refrain.

Everything spun around Byakuran, who was then woken up by a knock.

"How did I end up in a clothes dryer...?"

Seeing a bright and colorful trail of paint, he followed it outside and saw a mural that somewhat resembeled a piglet wearing a tutu jumping over a double rainbow that went all the way across the sky, and he had no idea what it meant.

* * *

"Okay, I am going to blow the whistle now and I want everyone to wear these earmuffs."

Everyone put on a pair of rubber ducky noise-cancelling earmuffs.

"Alright... 3... 2... 1... Wait, is that Allen? Oh well."

FWEEEEET! Phooot. Phooo. Phbbbt.

"UH... What was that supposed to be? If its anything like the butter I'm outta here." Lavi was busy braiding Kanda's hair.

"Wait for it..." The sound of turning gears was heard before a short tune was played.

"Primo... Really?" Meagan looked pointedly towards her.

"What? Nyancat is the cutest poptart based cat in the universe, and the Nyan power is OVER 9000!"

And so, the Nyancat painting lept forth and pooted rainbows.

Poor Allen Walker was confined to his bed for months due to an over Nyan thousand overload.

* * *

Afterwords, splatters of paint left behind hordes of roaches that mutated into multi colored fiends that ate all the marshmallows.

"What the mother flying hawk happened here?" The scientist looked at the walls of roaches that seemed to form a troll face.

Byakuran was twitching on the ground like the rest of the roaches due to his suddenly low blood sugar.

He was cyrogenically frozen in a clothes dryer full of fresh smelling clothes until a reliable source of sweet marshy mellowy goodness was found.

Fortunately, he never had to take a bath again.

* * *

"Months... It took you MONTHS to find a use for the whistle?" Nancy stared in disbelief.

Meagan and Jenny shuffled their feet nervously.

"Well, we were preoccupied with certain things..."

"And that'd be..." Nancy waited for an answer.

"We were trying to figure out why you shouldn't take a unicorn to a bbq."

* * *

**Eaaaaaaaurgh. Brain fart. **

**I know I haven't updated in ages, and I know that this isn't what you guys wanted.**

**Since school is almost over, expect an increase in updates.**

**Unless its regents week. Actually, hawk that. There will still be more updates.**

**The unicorn at a BBQ will be an interesting fanfic, or 'fanfuc' as our dear Meggie puts it.**

**I know I am Ms. Omn omn omn, there is no need to rub it in.**


End file.
